How well can you answer these questions with a long-term view?
- What are the five most important things to you in a marriage?
- I love you because . . . (three reasons).
- I want to marry you because . . . (three specific reasons, not “I love you”).
- We’re a good match because . . . (five reasons).
- Where would you like to live?
- How much would you like to spend your free time together?
- How much personal/alone time do you need?
- How much sleep do you need? Are you a morning or evening person?
- How often do you expect to visit extended family?
- Do you expect to be very social as a couple? To spend much time with friends?
- Do you expect to take family vacations every year?
- Do you plan to make a career change after you get married?
- What did your father’s role in the family look like? Your mother’s role?
- Do you think your parents were healthy emotionally and relationally? Why or why not?
- How do you feel about how your parents related to each other?
- How did your parents make decisions? Did they talk about decisions together or did one spouse make decisions without consulting his or her partner?
- What would you like to see your roles as husband and wife look like?
- How would you like to make decisions as a couple once you’re married?
Division of Labor
- Who will do the following chores?
- Cooking and preparing meals?
- Cleaning up after meals?
- Cleaning bathrooms?
- Doing the laundry?
- Taking out trash?
- Grocery shopping?
- Household repairs?
- Servicing the car?
- Yard work?
- Planning trips?
- Planning nights out?
- Buying and giving gifts?
- Planning and shopping for occasions?
- Corresponding with family and friends?
- Caring for aging parents?
- Caring for pets?
- What do you like and dislike about your parents? Your family?
- Are there unhealthy patterns, dysfunctions, or other challenges in your family?
- What concerns do you both have about your future in-laws?
- Are you worried about interfering in-laws? What will you do if this happens?
- What are your families’ expectations regarding your relationship?
- What are your expectations regarding how your relationship with your families might change?
- Will your families expect to see you regularly? How often?
- What boundaries to you need to set right away?
- What will you do about holidays?
- What family traditions and customs would you like to continue?
- Was church or synagogue attendance a regular part of your childhood?
- One a scale of one to five rate the level of church involvement you prefer.
- When you’re married, when do you want to pray together?
- How important if Bible reading to you? Is joining a Bible study with others something you would like to do?
- How important is spiritual leadership to you? Do you believe that one of you should take the lead, or how would both of you work together to lead the family?
- What religious traditions are important to you?
- Did you grow up rich, poor, or middle class?
- What value did you learn to place on money?
- Were you secure or insecure about money?
- Did your parents model generosity, good shopping habits, and careful planning?
- Was work more important than family? Was pleasure more important than wise money management?
- Did your parents use coupons, pay bills on time, and meet financial goals?
- Was there gambling, overspending, or spending to impress friends and neighbors?
- Did either parent engage in high-risk ventures?
- Did your parents have the idea that bankruptcy is okay?
- Did your family sacrifice when needed, save, invest, and use cash versus credit?
- Was paying for insurance, education, and retirement important to your parents?
- Did they live on the edge of their finances now and not worry about tomorrow?
- Do you think joint or separate accounts are appropriate in your marriage?
- Do you think paying the bills should be done separately or together?
- Do you work with a budget now?
- Are you conservative or aggressive in investments?
- What are your income goals?
- Have you ever lost a large sum of money?
- What mistakes have you made with money?
- How much and what will each of you be free to spend?
- What stress you out when it comes to money?
- Do you tithe or give to charitable organizations?
- How do you handle anger?
- How do you handle anxiety?
- How do you handle sadness?
- How do you handle disagreements?
- How do you solve problems?
- How do you stay connected and close over time?
- How do you handle resentments?
- How do you handle “the silent treatment?”
- One a scale of one to five how important is sex?
- How often do you expect to have sex?
- What worries do you have about sex?
- Can we both initiate sex?
- What is your attitude about giving or receiving sexual pleasure?
- Are there limits? Acts or behavior that is not acceptable to you?
- What would ruin sexual intimacy for you?
- What creates passion for you?
- What was your family’s attitude toward sex?
- How did you learn about sex?
- What experiences and influences from your childhood and adolescence might hinder healthy sex with your future mate?
- Are you comfortable talking about sex? Why or why not?
- How has the media and culture influenced what you think about sex?
- How comfortable are you with your body? Your appearance?
- How important is healthy sex to you and your future mate?
- How many children would you like to have?
- How do you feel about birth control?
- Would one of us be a stay-at-home parent? How do you feel about that?
- What if we’re unable to have children? How would you feel about fertility treatments?
- How do you feel about adoption? Would you consider it, and when?
- When would you like to start a family?
- How would your disciplinary approaches differ?
- Is your relationship more passion or more commitment-oriented?
- Has your relationship stood the test of time?
- Are there any bad habits or pet peeves?
- Do you detect possible immaturity or selfishness?
- Do you detect a critical nature?
- Does one withdraw and isolate?
- Is there any financial irresponsibility?
- Is there any history of verbal or physical abuse? Controlling behavior?
- Are there differences in core values or beliefs, especially spiritual?
- Are there any addictive behaviors or substance use?
- Any crossing of relationship boundaries with other in the past or currently?
- Are both partners physically, financially, and emotionally free from past relationships?
- Do you have your families blessing for your marriage?
- Have you recovered from the loss of your previous marriage?
- Have your kids recovered?
- What will each of you change about this marriage to succeed?
- Are you comfortable with your ex and your partner’s ex? What potential problems may arise?
- Are you prepared for the complexities of step-parenting?
- Are there child-custody issues, or legal issues that may appear in the future?
- What will you need to become a successful blended family?
Skill-based premarital courses lower divorce rates by 45 percent. Call us with any questions at (815) 276-3947.
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