Anger
Do I Have an Anger Problem?
Do you find yourself irritable?
Do you raise your voice?
Do you find yourself in frequent arguments?
Is it easy to criticize or use sarcasm?
Do you give others the “silent treatment?”
Are you self-critical?
Do you feel unappreciated or do you find it difficult to stop dwelling on mistreatment, injustices or prior failures?
Do you use threats or your physical presence to dominate another? (If your partner uses this approach, this approach needs to be stopped before counseling).
Do you ever get physically aggressive on others or property? (If your partner uses this approach, this approach needs to be stopped before counseling).
Do you engage in possibly dangerous behavior?
Do you experience fatigue, pain, or sleeplessness?
Do you have distinct episodes of feeling on edge, shaky, or a pounding heart, shortness of breath, or tightness in your chest?
Do your hands feel cold or clammy, or your mouth dry, stomach upset, or do you have urinary frequency, or trouble swallowing?
Anger Management Counseling in Crystal Lake & Huntley, IL
Feeling stuck in a cycle of frustration, overthinking, or reactions you later regret? At Blair Counseling, we help you understand what’s driving your anger, lower stress, and respond more effectively—at home, at work, and in court-related situations when needed. We’re also certified to provide anger evaluations and anger management sessions for court.
What Anger Feels Like (and Why)
Anger is your body’s “threat response.” Stress hormones speed up your heart, tighten muscles, and narrow your focus. Many people also over-breathe (hyperventilate) without realizing it, which can increase jittery or “amped up” sensations and make clear thinking harder. Anger is designed to energize you—but without tools, it can push you toward choices you don’t want.
How Anger Impacts Relationships
In couples and families, anger patterns tend to look like:
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Chronic Fighter: quick to argue, focused on “winning.”
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Adrenaline-Driven: feels powerful in the moment; empathy, humor, logic, and memory drop.
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Pleaser: avoids saying “no,” resentment builds, then erupts.
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Avoider: shuts down or walls off to prevent conflict.
We’ll help you spot your pattern and practice healthier alternatives.
Blame vs. Empathy
Blame (of yourself or others) fuels anger. Empathy reduces it by reconnecting people. That said, abuse is never acceptable; safety comes first.
Copyright © Dan Blair 2020
The Brain’s Role (Plain English)
Your fast “fight-or-flight” system can react in fractions of a second, before your reflective brain catches up. When adrenaline surges, the skills you need most—creativity, humor, empathy, logic, memory—can go offline. Treatment focuses on slowing the body and bringing the thinking brain back online.
Common Contributors
Anger often travels with or is worsened by:
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High stress, poor sleep, low blood sugar, fatigue
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Anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD
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Substance use
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Medical issues (e.g., thyroid)
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Trauma history, family/cultural learning, or head injury
You’re not “broken”—there are many workable levers we can adjust.
Why Safety Calms Anger
Because anger is linked to perceived threat, building a felt sense of safety is the best inhibitor. That means lowering stress, practicing calming skills, and responding to triggers differently.
Prevention First: Reduce Stressors (Build Your A.C.E.S.)
Balance your week with A.C.E.S.—it stabilizes mood and lowers reactivity.
Accomplishment
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Create simple routines and realistic expectations
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Make a prioritized, scheduled to-do list
Connection
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Spend time with positive people, pets, faith, and community
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Use humor; ask for help; practice grief and forgiveness
Enjoyment
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Daily gratitude
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Hobbies, laughter, nature, and healthy excitement
Self-Care
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Sleep hygiene, regular meals, movement
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Breaks that recharge you
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Notice and name your emotions and needs
Calming Skills You Can Use Anywhere
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Breathing: Belly/diaphragm breaths—in through the nose, out through the mouth, exhale longer than you inhale. (For kids: balloons, bubbles, or “hot cocoa breathing.”)
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Five-Senses Reset: Soothing sounds, visuals, textures (blanket, bath), tastes, and scents.
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Distraction While It Passes: Walk, stretch, or count backward to ride out the adrenaline spike.
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Healthy Expression: Exercise or physical activity to “burn off” the surge.
Work With Triggers (and What’s Underneath)
Use fast self-talk when triggered:
Is it worth it? Not right now. Breathe evenly. This will pass.
Then explore the pain under the anger—often fear, helplessness, sadness, inadequacy, rejection, or abandonment. Naming this pain helps you respond instead of react.
Learned Patterns Can Be Relearned
We internalize how our families handled anger and emotions. Therapy helps you recognize, update, and practice new patterns—so you’re not repeating what doesn’t work.
Five Respect Principles (Verbal Judo)
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Treat people with respect.
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Ask rather than tell when possible.
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Explain the “why.”
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Offer options over threats.
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Give a second chance when safe to do so.
Treatment at Blair Counseling: What to Expect
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Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): quiets over-reactivity and improves perspective-taking
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Relaxation & Stress Management: step-by-step plans you can use in real moments
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Skills for Relationships: communication, boundaries, repair
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Goal-Focused Plan: clear targets for home, work, and legal needs
Court-Ordered Services
We provide anger evaluations and anger management sessions that meet court requirements. You’ll receive clear documentation and a practical plan to complete what’s required.
Ready to get started?
Crystal Lake & Huntley, IL locations with in-person and telehealth options.
Call us or request an appointment online to reclaim calm, control, and connection.
This confidential screening is for adult completion. It is not diagnostic and shall not be interpreted to indicate the need for treatment. It is not a substitute for clinical evaluation.