By David Ensor, LSW
Find out more about David Ensor
Have you ever been to therapy? If not, it can be daunting. The first time I went to therapy, it felt awkward and uncomfortable. I had difficulty trusting this new person and was unsure what the process was going to be. As a child, this can be especially frightening. You don’t know why you’re there and don’t know what the adults in your life want from you. You may be more aware as an adult, but the unknown can still put you on edge.
Walking into a situation without any experience or understanding of what to expect can be a scary proposition. That’s why I wanted to share my thoughts as a therapist and someone who’s been through therapy myself. The end goal is to find someone you can have a conversation with who can help you solve your problems.
What is Therapy, and What Does it Do?
Therapy is a conversation with another person trained in methods to help you with your thought processes, behavior, and emotional status. What does that mean? If you are having a particular problem with your life, emotional well-being, or thoughts, or if you are behaving in certain ways that you find objectionable, a therapist can help you analyze your life so that you can begin to change.
Every therapist has a different method and way of approaching therapy, but ultimately, it’s just a conversation. The first meeting with your therapist is to get to know each other. A good therapist will look at all aspects of your life.
The National Association of Social Workers (NASW) requires social workers to use a biopsychosocial perspective in their therapies, which include biological, psychological, and social aspects of a person’s life. This biopsychosocial perspective helps the therapist to look at different parts of your life that you may not be aware of and how they affect you – from simple things like eating and sleeping to more complex things like family dynamics. Once the therapist gains an understanding of who you are and what’s impacting and valued by you, you can begin to make changes based on those values.
How Do People Choose Their Therapist?
Finding the right therapist can be tricky, especially in the United States, where you have to go through insurance. One of the first places to look for therapists of all types is Psychology Today, where many therapists have professional profiles, contact information, insurance, and fee structure. Many therapists also have a profile on their company website, where you can learn more about them and their values.
Ultimately, choosing a therapist boils down to a feeling and whether or not you feel comfortable with the person. That being said, therapy is hard. A good therapist will challenge your thoughts and ideas. That’s why you’ve hired them. There will be times when you will feel uncomfortable in therapy. When all is said and done, the question is whether or not the therapist is helping you to achieve your goals.
If you don’t feel like they are, talk to them. That’s the point of therapy. To work through those feelings and work with someone who can help you. It can take a few sessions before you truly know if the therapist is right for you.
How Do You Know if a Therapist is Not Right for You?
There are a few red flags to look out for when evaluating a therapist, including:
Vents about their own issues
It’s okay if the therapist relates to your issues with their own experience, but you are there to discuss your issues, not theirs. If your therapist starts venting about their own problems during your session, it’s time to look for another option.
Not listening to your concerns
Ask yourself if the therapist is listening to you and paying attention to what you care about. Is there a misunderstanding, or are they controlling the conversation? If you have traumatic experiences that force you into a secondary role, it can be difficult to know when this is happening. Do your best to pay attention to the questions your therapist is asking and ask yourself if they are helping.
Being generally unprofessional
There are a variety of ways a therapist can be unprofessional, including:
- Not paying attention
- Looking at their phone
- Talking about things not connected to your issues
- Talking about things that make you uncomfortable after you’ve said something
- Consistent lateness
Ultimately, it will come down to what makes you uncomfortable. If you feel safe to discuss your issues with the therapist, it’s best to start here. Still, know that there are many options out there, and you have the right to find a therapist you can trust.
What If You Need Therapy but Can’t Afford It?
The cost of therapy can be too expensive for many people. This is especially true for people who don’t have insurance. Many offices try to address this issue with payment plans, sliding scales, cash payments, and even pro bono. There are also nonprofits that don’t cost anything, but the waitlists can be very long.
If money is an issue, you can also try to find recent graduates with lower rates. Requirements and licensures vary from state to state, but a therapist with an LSW rather than an LCSW has equal training with less experience. These individuals may be able to work with you to find more affordable options.
What To Do When You Don’t Have Access to Therapy
If you can’t find an affordable therapist, there are other options that can help. YouTube has hundreds of thousands of videos that can help people learn skills like meditation, exercise programs, and sleep training. One of my favorites is Therapy in a Nutshell.
There are also books you can use to find support for you and your family. In The Happiness Trap, author and physician Russ Harris explains why and how our focus on finding happiness makes us miserable. For parents, The Explosive Child offers real-life examples and suggestions to help you better understand and communicate with your child. I’ve used a few of these tips on my own daughter.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, therapy boils down to how much effort you’re willing to put into changing your problem. Therapy is good for getting out your emotions, but if you feel like you’re stuck on a hamster wheel, changes can be made, and a therapist can help you do that.
There are options available, and I implore you to research therapy offices near you to find the best therapy for you. As an LSW, I offer therapy services for adults, teens, and children at Blair Counseling and Mediation in Crystal Lake, Illinois. If you are looking for someone to listen to your concerns and help you find the right path, please visit the website and schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
