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Much of the time one parent does not realize what they are doing. The effect on the kids is unnoticed. It is usually experienced by the child as stress, tension, anxiety, guilt and depression. Kids may act out or hide it. Parents usually justify it.
What is “it?” On the moderate side it is undermining the other parent and it can lead to alienation. (more…)
Parenting after divorce presents new challenges. Each parent will have their own rules and approach. The kids have to learn that mom and dad’s house is different. The rule remains though that both parents will have better outcomes if they back each other up.
Often when one thinks of disciplining kids you think of angry exchanges with both sides feeling frustrated and misunderstood. (more…)
Telling the kids is often described as the toughest part of a divorce. The kid’s dream of a “normal” life with mom and dad loving each other dies hard. There is much lost even in a “good divorce” so make sure divorce is unavoidable. Research says that ongoing conflict or an unloving home can be worse than a divorce, so it is important to understand the kids’ point of view. For example, consider these lyrics by Tom Delonge:
Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems
They never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them everyday
We get along, so why can’t they?
If this is what he wants
And this is what she wants
Then why is there so much pain?
You can make a difference when it comes to insulating your children from the harmful effects of unavoidable divorce. Children of divorce are most affected by ongoing conflict, absent parents, and financial shifts in lifestyle. Moreover, how the child responds to the divorce is modeled by how each parent deals with it. Generally, if the parents are coping well, the children are coping well. (more…)
Here are some questions that will have to be answered not by the mediator, but by the parents in the best interest of their children:
1. What is in the best interest of the child when determining custody?
2. Will child care be needed? (more…)